Imposter Syndrome & Connecting with Kids

I've always thought of myself as a smart person. I got excellent grades in school- in the highest classes- and got into a pretty high-achieving selective college, where I thrived. After 2 years of teaching I decided to get my Master's degree. (Why? I'm not really sure. Maybe I was bored. Maybe I was nuts.) Either way, I did it. It took 5 years to complete since I was teaching full-time and gave birth to my first 2 babies in that time frame. Seriously, what was I thinking?! There were many times I wanted to quit, but my husband wouldn't let me. He'd just remind me of how far I'd come and tell me I could finish the rest, that I could do it. I'm so thankful for him! The feeling of being unable to complete that degree was NOTHING like the feeling of being unable to understand everything needed to achieve a doctorate degree. A little over a year into it, I completely understand the phrase Imposter Syndrome. The feeling of being not smart enough is strong. The feeling that you will never comprehend all the literature, statistics, and writing mechanics is overwhelming. The feeling that you are just "faking it until you make it" becomes your new normal. Then I'll have a meeting or conversation that invigorates my brain, and I'm excited again about doing this.

I now understand that I love learning things, and I crave deep, intelligent discussion. The older I get, the less I am interested in small talk. I think that's true for most of us. Things matter more now that we understand how invested we are in this world and its future. If you have kids, that takes on a whole new meaning. You want your kids to grow up in a world that aligns to your values, one in which they can pursue whatever makes them happy. The current political climate is really bringing light to a lot of that for me.

Children and young people are constantly bombarded with adults telling them they don't get it, that they'll understand when they're older. I remember being told that, and I remember how disrespectful it felt. I remember how frustrating it felt. When you're a child, you're oblivious. When you're a teen, you have an insight that might be truly insightful, yet adults don't take you seriously. You also think you understand a lot more than you do. When you're in your 20s, you start to really understand the world, and you also see why adults said those things to you. The older you get, the more you "get it." Still, that feeling of being disrespected never completely goes away. Young people do not fully comprehend lots of things, as they don't have the life experience or perhaps the developmental brain capacity yet. Rather than ignore or dismiss their ideas, however, we need to acknowledge, educate, and explain.

You may or may not have recently heard that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez played Among Us on Twitch. You may not like AOC. You may not know what Among Us is or how to play it. You may not know what Twitch is. You might think Among Us and/or Twitch are dumb. None of that matters. AOC did something that - to my knowledge - no other politician has done lately: she connected with young voters. She tweeted about it to her followers, set up equipment, and live-streamed the entire thing. She talked with young people for almost THREE hours. Almost half a million people tuned in to watch and to talk about voting, democracy, and political issues. She answered their questions. She made them feel seen. This was a brilliant move. Yes, I'm sure it benefited her and her party politically, but that is not the point. She. Made. Young People. Feel. Important.

We cannot discount the things that young people (including our children) like to do. We may not understand them or their interests, but we need to try. Rather than imposing rules and limits that make sense to US, we must engage them in conversation. If your child enjoys playing a violent video game, why is that? What do they like about it? Ask them. And although it might be way out of your comfort zone, perhaps play with them. Even if you don't enjoy the game like they do, it might help you to understand why they like it so much. If nothing else, you've made an effort to connect with them and make them feel that their interests are valid, that they matter, because they do.