First Thing's First: Deciding to Begin

October 2019

Welcome to my Brain Dump!

I am in a private study room on Swansea University's Singleton campus in Wales, listening to the rain fall outside (as it has been doing for the past 9 days).  It's been a time of exploration, independence, learning, writing, discussion, and reading...lots of reading.  Oh, and coffee, more than lots of coffee (and tea)!

During the two week orientation and induction (a European term for the official beginning training/meeting of the program), it was suggested that we start a blog.  I will use this space to talk about my journey and my research.  Earning a PhD is a long, stressful, exciting process, and typing things out here will help me process what I'm learning.  In theory, through doing this, I will know my research better and will be able communicate it more effectively.  Time will tell, I suppose.  I know that lots of people are interested in my topic and asked me to keep them updated.  This is how I intend to fulfill that promise!  My research is important, and I'm not just saying that as a matter of opinion (because everyone thinks their own research is important).  Parents, doctors, scientists, and teachers all over the world have the same worries and questions that I do....but more on that in another post.  This post is about the BEGINNING!

I began this PhD journey some time ago, when a friend from grad school suggested that we go back to school, again.  I politely declined, telling her that I had no desire to go back to school.  The last time I was in school, I birthed two babies and worked a full-time teaching job.  My Master's degree took me 5 long years to complete.  I was finally settled in a great teaching job, with 3 kids now, and I was good.  I wanted to just stay the course and enjoy the life I had created for myself.  That was 8 years ago.  Then the Swansea@UCO Program was created, and the prospect of studying abroad was very tempting.  Again, I dismissed the possibility because the thought of going back to school was overwhelming.  A professor -who has become a mentor over the years- suggested the program a few years after that.  I gave it some thought - again- but -again- decided that it was not the time, though the program was calling my name.  This past spring (2019), I realized it was time to "take a leap of faith" and go for it.  To be honest, my students weren't getting the best version of their teacher, my kids weren't getting the best version of their mom, and my husband wasn't getting the best version of his wife.  I was maxed out and unhappy.  It was time for a change, time to do something that would make ME happy and benefit my family in the long run.  I knew that in order to be successful at this, I needed to quit my full-time job.  As much as I wanted to earn my PhD, it was an incredibly hard decision.  I was going to have to leave my friends and support system at work.  I was going to have to leave families and children I adored.  I was going to have to leave a school community that I knew so well.  Oh yeah, and I'd possibly be broke. haha.  I figured at least my kids are obsessed with Ramen, so they'd be fine.  Luckily I have the most supportive husband in the world, who just kept saying, "We'll make it work.  You should do this."  I knew he was right: I had to do it.  I knew it was the right choice.  I knew that by doing this, I'd be able to be home after school for my kids.  I'd be able to answer calls from their schools and pick them up or stay home with them if they were sick, with no worries about finding a sub to cover my class.  I'd have more time to talk and spend time with my kids and help with homework because *I* didn't have "teacher stuff" to do.  A unexpected bonus benefit is that we are not stressed in the mornings trying to get everyone (myself included) out the door by 7am.  We get up and leave in shifts, and it's glorious.   It took lots of behind-the-scenes decisions, organizing, and planning to get to this point, but here we are!

If you've read this far, thanks!  Maybe some of my upcoming posts will be useful and/or interesting to you!

*Disclaimer: As this is a blog, it is my space to write out my thoughts.  No, my grammar won't be perfect.  I promise to write my thesis (in Europe it's called a PhD thesis, not a dissertation) with better sentence structure!  :)